Extreme Couponing??????

is it just me or is this extreme couponing gone way overboard? i mean i understand that times are difficult and every penny saved is a good thing and using a coupon on occasion to save a little money is acceptable.. but to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries for little to nothing if not free all together is . to me, an abuse of the system.. in my opinion it is no different that people bleeding the welfare system and profiting off of the money us everyday tax payers pay for working. have you people ever considered that the insane rise in food cost is a direct result of the millions of dollars worth of groceries walking out of the grocery stores for free due to coupon use??? so thank you for making the normal American who is content in buying only the quantity of food we need, even if a weeks worth costs over $100.. just so you can proudly own 90 jars of mustard, etc....

body modification

There will always be a line drawn in the sand when it comes to the perception and acceptance of body modification. on one side there are the people who see it as a sin, claiming that GOD didn't intend for our bodies to be altered, that if GOD wanted us to have piercings, tattoos, larger breast, tight pointy noses multi colored hair, etc... then he would have created us with those features.. Well to that i say, if you have EVER cut your hair or painted your nails, then you have altered the natural progression of your bodies appearance. so shove that up your holy rollin @$$..... then there are people that look at body art as "unprofessional" that it gives off a "bad" image and makes you look like a thug or freak of sorts.. well as a fireman I'm forced by my superiors to keep all tattoos to a minimum visible level (and they are trying to pass it in my dept that NO tattoos can be visible) and my piercings are not allowed to be seen (even women firefighters can not wear earrings while on duty), but i am 100% certain that if your house was burning to the ground or you were trapped in a car that was just t-boned.. you wouldn't give a flying flip whether i had gauges in my ears or tattoos covering my body or whether my hair was brown or green.. you would just want my help.. and many people can look 100% "acceptable" when dressed but remove the layers of clothing and a true artistic masterpiece is revealed.
      Now granted, there are people that take body modification way farther than i ever would, but who am i to judge them?? they are happy with themselves and that is the ONLY importance in the equation. I see "body art" as a freedom of expression, of ones journey through life, their relief of the norms that society has forced down our throat on a daily basis. Its a person saying "this is ME, love me, hate me, but i am BEAUTIFUL!!! So if a person chooses to modify their body and appearance then they should have every right to do so, and every right to show it off with pride, without fear of persecution or professional criticism, and damn sure shouldn't be disciplined for expressing their individuality!!

Been.. Am.. Going

So i just turned 29 yesterday.. and i sit here looking back from where ive been, where i am and where i still dream to be... I feel that even though, i have a good career, my own house and truck, but then i feel that i could have and should have been able to obtain so much more by now. im not happy with where i am right now and there are so many things i want to change that i dnt know where to begin.. i want to lose weight bc even though om not huge.. im not where i want to be, i cant look in the morror and not feel ashamed. i want a house that i am proud of, and would welcome visitors, i want a job that i dnt have to stress daily on whether or not i will be able to cover all my debts, i would love to say that i was more of a people person and was able to bond with any and all people i meet.. and i damn sure would love to change my "personal" life.. being single for years now i feel a lot of pent up frustration and depression in the fact that i cant seem to find a single person that will fill a void in my heart. am i just that undesirable???
   But then i look again and see that yes i have a job when many people dont.. i have a house when many people dont.. i have a vehicle when many people dont.. and even though i cant find love i have some great friends that care deeply for me.. and most importantly i have a beautiful daughter that unquestionabally loves me more than anybiody else in the world ever could. so am i really that deprived???
    so as i gaze into the crystal ball for a glimpse of my future, i do dream that i am able to provide a more comfortable living environment for myself and daughter, i dream that i will FINALLY find a woman that will truly love me and want to be with me, I have to be thankfull for what i do have and hope that it gets better from here..

just a day

so tmrw is my bady.. and i have already had highs and lows leading up to it.. starting sunday i got into a HUGE fight with my father abt his choice to bring my daughter into the insane relationship he has going.. and when i object he tries to be a bull of the woods and force me to his will.. the thing is, I'm not a kid anymore, im a grown ass man with my own family and i will be damned if im gonna bow down to him anymore! Well from there my week went to good times bc i finally was able to get coach Mark Ritch of the all mighty GA BULLDOGS to personally autograph something ive been holding on to for over 5 yrs just for this occasion.. and tmrw i plan on spending the day with some of the greatest friends i have ever had! so heres to hoping that tmrw an dthe rest of my life is on an upswing.. i know there will be more hurdles and hard times.. but im tired of holding my head down, so im going to keep on keeping on.. one day at a time..

rejection

So many people claim they they don't give a flying fuck what people think of them, and for many of them this may be true.. but then there are those people that tremble in the fear of rejection, the ones that try so hard to live up to a status  that they never let their true selves become released.  My stance is right there straddling the fence, hence why i say I'm the man behind the mask. (now time for me to lay on the crazy Dr couch, haha. i always knew i wasn't the coolest, most popular kid, never wore the newest fashion of clothes, wasn't in the "in crowd" and damn sure wasn't the best looking.. hell the only things i had going was i was pretty damn smart (which didn't impress the ladies) and i had the most drop dead gorgeous set of eyes a boy could have (which got me picked on by jealous boys bc frankly my eyelashes were so long and thick that it did look like i wore mascara).. but basically i was just a sub-par boy just dreaming of being cool..
          Well having not ever have talked to many girls, much less have anything to do with romance with them, I finally was gonna cowboy up and approach a girl.. it was in the 8th grade standing in the hall outside of Ga History class, i set my eyes on her, she was one of the pretty, wealthy, popular, cheerleader girls, (looking back i may have reached a little far for my first attempt, but hey, go big or go home right?!?!?) Well I walked up and stuttered out a "hey, I think you're really pretty and would like to take you on a date if you would like".. Well to my horror there was a quiet pause, then a LOUD burst of uncontrollable laughter.. seriously WTF??? a simple thanks but no thanks would have sufficed. so to Katie Dupree i shout out a big FUCK YOU!!!!!!! Well needless to say this shell shocked me way before i was of age and maturity to not give a damn.. so i sunk myself into a shell that was thicker than stone.. so ever since then i have been so shy that yes maybe i have missed tons of opportunities to be with women that thought that i was worth at least a first date, but i have the hardest time approaching a female that i think is attractive and uttering a simple sentence. when in a group I'm usually the one who is close to the corner and only speaks when spoken to. Ive been a loner, isolationist, hermit, whatever you would like to call it but I have lived in such fear of rejection that i hide who i really wish to be so that i don't stand out from the average joe..
     I have however in the past few yrs came into a group of friends that have allowed me an outlet to unleash who i am. For 7 nights a yr i am allowed to hide behind a mask and do whatever i want with no fear of rejection bc even if i was frowned upon nobody knows it me so how could it matter?? now saying that, when i remove this mask i find myself slipping back into old habits and shying away from fitting in. but hey, everybody has to start somewhere. so i feel that as i work on releasing my inner spirit that i will overcome the demons that bring the fear of rejection into my brain, and finally be able to to be who i was truly meant to be

we're not all deadbeats

So many times i receive the look of confusion, shock, or disbelief when its realized that yes I have custody of my daughter. The worst of these instances is when i had to take her to the emergency clinic because she shut her hand in the truck door, while talking to the dr he asks, where where you (approx 30ft away), where was the mother (3 counties away), what was she doing with you (she lives with me), and best of all, what are you doing with custody (non of your mother fucking business so just check my daughters hand before my hand checks your face).  I understand that its the norm for mothers to receive custody and for them to bash the fathers as worthless uncaring deadbeats.. and in many circumstances this description is warranted.. But what abt the fathers that actually care for , and do everything in there power to be a part of their child's life. So to answer all the questions out there.. My ex wife left, my daughter was 4 mnths old, and after spending thousands of dollars securing a lawyer and preparing to fight for as much custody/visitation as i possibly could, she calls me and asks if we could settle out of court bc she didnt want to get an attorney. I then informed her that she was keeping my daughter from me and that i was going after my daughter!! About a week after that she called and offered a deal. If I would not take her to court, not seek child support, and oh, give her $1000 so that she cold get herself an apt, that she would sign over custody of my daughter.. so what was my response? meet me at the lawyers office first thing in the morning!!!! The next weekend i had my daughter back! Well for three yrs it was like pulling teeth from a pissed off alligator to get her to spend any time with our daughter and in the RARE instance i would ask for a little financial help she was quick to remind me that in the divorce papers she was not required to pay me a dime.
        Now not to completely bash my baby momma.. about 2 yrs ago she remarried and has since been acting like a real parent, she gets her every other weekend and on avg pays me a little every month to help support our daughter.. i am not sure what exactly inspired this change in attitude, but as a man who RARELY seen his mother growing up, I'm just thankful that she is trying to be in our daughters life!
         So to everybody who is dumbstruck when finding out that yes a man has custody of there child, remember . NOT ALL MEN ARE SORRY ASS DEADBEATS!!!!!! thank you and have a nice day :)

ME

Well, I guess the first blog should let the world know who I AM.. Well my name is Steven.. i was born in a po-dunk city in southwest Ga, Albany to be specific. My parents divorced when i was six and my mother pretty much just hauled ass and left me and my dad. Growing up was extremely difficult, as i watched my father struggle every day just to keep the roof over our head, clothes on my back and food on the table.. I remember using a calculator at the grocery store to make sure we didn't go over the allowance for the week, getting woke up at the wee hours of Christmas morning opening a pack of baseball cards and a skateboard then not seeing him again for three solid days because he went to work all the overtime he could get just to pay the bills.. By no means am i saying we lived the poorest life but i don't know what the taste of a silver spoon is either..
         Growing up I did the best i could to make my family proud, even if that meant i neglected to live my life the way I wanted.. as long as I didn't let people down that meant i was doing good as a person.. As i aged, my experiences led me to be a shy, recluse, reserved person that was so afraid of rejection and not meeting peoples standards that i just chose to not venture out and explore not only myself but the world.
       Right out of high school, I wound up marrying my "high school sweetheart" and even though she is an absolute amazing and all around great woman, it was soon realized that we were not meant to be married and live together.. I was nowhere ready to be married and i had to walk through hellfire and brimstone to redeem myself. After that marriage i lived the life of a young 20 something, spending $200+ a weekend at the bar, engaging in any female that would give me the time of day/night, etc...
      During this time I met the mother of my BEAUTIFUL daughter. Now as i said, i was living up the 20 something lifestyle, so needless to say having a child was not in my game plan, but i manned up and accepted my actions and chose to put my child first and foremost. Well little did i know that 8 months into the pregnancy all hell would break loose and my life would take yet another dramatic turn. Three months after the birth of my daughter me and her mother married, 2 months after that we divorced, and 1 month after that i obtained custody of my daughter. (Now for all of you who don't already know the story and are scratching your head, i will explain in a soon to follow blog, so stay tuned) Well after the drama of that last fiasco i took 3 years and dedicated solely to my daughter, didn't date, didn't go out, didn't do anything but work, and come home to take care of my baby.
     After that sabbatical i decided that it was time for me to introduce me into the world once more, I started doing things again, tried to find and reconnect with friends. So this brings me to present day.. I have been employed with the Albany Fire Dept for going on 7 yrs (has included the past cple parts of this blog) my daughter in starting school and i find myself struggling to get by day by day to, like my father. provide for my family. In the past couple years i have met some awesome friends, yes I'm still mainly a isolationist, but i have learned to accept that having others in my life make days worth living. I hope this message hasn't put anybody to sleep , but has given a quick glimpse into the past 29 years of my life.. As stated I will indulge deeper into some of the high/low points in soon to follow blogs.. thank you for your time